Placing a billion conveyor belts, strip mining a planet with no regard to the pollution I caused, and full scale genocide against the native bugs who already lived there.

Sorry, biters, I gotta launch my rocket.

Bringing democracy to the wider galaxy.

Trafficking humans, putting them in tiny 1x1m cages where they cannot sit, force them to do cheap labour, separate their children at birth, and kill them if they are too expensive…

Fuck I love Minecraft!

Beating wild animals into submission, capturing them and putting them to work in a shack I built in the woods.

Probably for driving truck into car while being drunk. (the former in game, letter in RL).

Impersonating a defense attorney.

Building a house in the woods without planning permission.

Food was very sparce so I had to butcher the last prisoner we had. And we didnt even get much meat, he was missing both legs and an arm from the raid he came with.

Turning the universe into paperclips

Broke into some noble’s house to investigate a murder and stole a bunch of stuff while I was at it, ironically yet stealthily stabbing a guard in the neck with a dagger so I wouldn’t get caught while discovering a secret chamber in the basement that led to ancient catacombs beneath the town, which ultimately led to ancient and mummified remains alongside golden chalices and crosses I absolutely pillaged and fully intend to sell for ducats, the significance of which I’m still unsure of.

Fishing

I didn’t realise our poaching laws were that severe

Assault, battery, torture, stalking, breaking & entering, trespassing, destruction of property, illegal search & seizure, tampering with evidence, aiding & abetting, reckless driving, speeding, operation of an unlicensed vehicle, unlawful interception, child endangerment, unlawful imprisonment, conspiracy, and, of course, vigilantism

But absolutely zero murder

Rolling up the contents of a town into a big, sticky ball.