No problem.

I’ll add one other thing: Others have mentioned couples therapy. This is a great idea. Even if the relationship is already over, worst case scenario is they both gain some insight into their own toxic behavioural patterns to make their next relationship better.

I the danger me

Russell Brand? More.like rapist.

Wtf is this. I’m so confused.

That’s why I set up a tent around the seat for me and whoever I go with. If anyone questions the noises I just yell " squatters rights!" and start kicking.

I’ve found some really, really weird art besides the dumpster behind my building, and the steady stream of old electronics has really helped in learning how to solder.

You don’t even need to open up a dumpster honestly.

I’m with you on the value of platonic female friendships. Miss me with banging s dude though. And you make a wonderful point about having intense, passionate, no strings attached sexually charged, animalistic flings with women in their mid 20s.

No one teaches you how to have a relationship. So people just kind of default into patterns that are often toxic.

It’s why taking a step back and being deliberate about how to communicate is so important. There needs to be a shared understanding and deliberateness about how to intentionally communicate.

And it needs to be something that applies equally to everyone involved. No copouts, no special circumstances that only go one way, there need to be firm, hard rules with specific consequences that apply evenly to all involved that are arrived at communally, and not unilaterally.

It takes two to tango.

The defensive lashing out type stuff happens because he hasn’t established firm boundaries around it. And she’s probably lashing out about stuff because… Well. Doesn’t matter, really.

There need to be firm boundaries about how to have a discussion that apply evenly to both of them. Both of them need to buy into these rules. When the lines are crossed the discussion ends.

This isn’t about shutting down a discussion but having the awareness to recognize constructive versus destructive discussions.

Setting reasonable, adult boundaries and rules, sticking to them, and establishing that certain behaviours are problematic are the only way this gets better.

If she’s unable to recognize her own defensiven ss as a problem and work on it all of this falls apart but having the framework in place will allow transparency into the why of it.

You’re right, I should have some purely physical, no strings attached flings with multiple women in their mid 20s.

Yeah. I was broke af when I made my statue. It’s mostly… I guess technically mortar. Cement and sand and burlap and chicken wire. Cement is not expensive.

My religion is “keep your religion dar the fuck away from me”.

I believe in freedom from religion even more strongly than of religion

So you’re saying I should make a point of banging wom n in their mid 20s?

This is all good advice, but even if you don’t follow it at least part of the issue isn’t that you’re alone, but what you’re doing while you’re alone…

Like. Years ago I decided to build a nine foot tall statue in the living room of my one bedroom apartment. It took me months, and it’s actually terrifying, but it also interests people. Like. No one responds to “I have an eight and a half foot tall statue in my living room” with “okay”.

Having hobbies isn’t just a way to meet people, it’s a way to learn new skills, grow as a person, and have something you can look back on and say “I did that”.

If you spent all your time alone building or making things you’d probably feel a lot better about the time you spent alone, and doubtlessly people would pick up on that

The thing in this post about curiosity isn’t just a lemmy/online thing.

The vast majority of people are mainly interested in themselves. Like - if you have trouble on dates, making friends, getting along at work, anything to do with people in general - approaching them with a sense of sincere curiosity will completely change things overnight.

Get people to talk about themselves, be supportive in your discussions with them, and shut the fuck up wherever possible and suddenly you’re interesting, a good person, kind, whatever - traits you’ve done exactly fuck all to demonstrate, but that people will swear are true because you seem interested in them.

It’s fucking bonkers but it’s true. Curiosity can change your world.

This is one of those things no one talks about but should. This is what the morning after do8ng a bunch if cocaine is like every time.